Thursday, November 29, 2007

Pre-New Years Resolutions

There's a baby screaming in her room, needing her mom and I'm sitting here needing my space. I'm a bad mom right now, but we can't be perfect all the time. I'll grab her in a minute.

I've been insanely thoughtful lately. I don't know... too much time on my hands I guess. And too much crap in my head. My friend wrote a blog on trying to be better... So I'm doing the same. He was talking about not complaining anymore and I decided I needed to take a cue from his example and do the same. Then I guess I took it a step further. Here goes... My Pre-New Year's Resolutions.

1. See the Magic!
There's this song that I really enjoy by Jamie Cullum where he says "When I look back on my ordinary life, I see so much magic though I missed it at the time." And it's so true. I think of what a boring life I've had... and then I realize it's been the complete opposite. It has been amazing. I have been so loved and blessed. Here's a little of the Magic in my life.

My husband. My one and only. I truly believe with all my heart there have never been any two people more perfect for each other. We have such an amazing relationship. He is so wonderful to me and I was lost until I met him. I truly feel like a queen around him. He can always make me smile. ALWAYS.

My daughter. Always learning, always growing, always changing. She so precious. So perfect. So special. She has the gorgeous eyes, I feel like she knows me better than anyone else when she looks at me. Those eyes are going to drive the boys crazy one day. And she's so funny. I didn't know babies could have so much personality. She gets that from her dad. Those eyebrows are so expressive. She's too amazing for words.

My family. And this includes them all. My in-laws, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, those still here and those who've passed on. The story of their lives are such an example. Their advice is always helpful. Their love is always appreciated. Their laughter makes me happy. I enjoy my family so much more than most people do. I am so blessed to have so many who care about me.

The world around me. My home is gorgeous. This is one of the prettiest places in the world. I love the people here, the landscape, the whole feel. The leaves are changing right now and there is a chill in the air letting me know that Christmas is soon. As much as I hate the cold, I do enjoy this time of year. I love the excitement of it all.

2. No complaining!
With all of these wonderful blessing around me, what is there to complain about? Life could always be worse. Things are going so good for me and chris right now. We both have good jobs, a nice home, a wonderful healthy daughter. And if we did lose those things... there would other things to be grateful for. We have a good family, we will be together forever, Our Heavenly Father loves us and cares about us and those things will never change. I need to be more grateful for the things around me. And I can't do that when I'm all focused on the negative!

3. No talking about people.
I've realized lately that usually, when someone has done something to hurt my feelings, I've done something back. No story is one-sided and when I talk bad about people, it's bad for me! Even when I'm not saying anything bad, it's still gossip and it can still hurt. If I have something to discuss about a person, I need to do it with that person. Not anyone else.

4. Be a better friend.
I have needed someone to talk to lately, and I found that person in someone I didn't think wanted to listen. I realized that when I'm a better friend, people are better friends to me. It also helps me get over my own needs when I can help someone else. And when I'm helping a friend work out her problems, I usually find a way to work out my own. It's a win-win situation.

This is all I've got so far. Maybe these are actually keepable. Instead of physical resolutions, I'm going all internal this year! :) But I need to be a better person. And this is my way of starting that.

Christmas Non-Shopping

So, Last night me and Chris went out to Opry Mills to go Christmas Shopping. He's already got his gift for his brother... I got his other brother's name and have no idea what to get him. But on to my story. Me and Chris told each other EXACTLY what we each want for Christmas this year, so there's really no guess work. We went to Old Navy and I picked out a hoodie I've wanted, handed it to Chris and he paid for it. Then we went into Game Stop or whatever it's called, picked out what games we want (we're each getting one), paid for them and walked out. Chris was saying he wished it was this way every year. I don't... I kinda miss the excitement of shopping for the other person. So this is my first definition of NON-SHOPPING.

Next, On to the toy stores to shop for Taylor, or not. We didnt' get anything for her. We couldn't decide. There are so many freakin toys, I have no idea what to get her. I don't want to just get toys that make noise (that rhymed) or things just to keep her busy... I want things that will help her learn and grow! And to me it seemed that Chris was just as overwhelmed as me if not more! We just walked around and looked. I held up some toys to Taylor to see if she would get real interested in them or not... She got into everyone but I think that's just her age! Everything is new and exciting. So how am I supposed to know what she would like best. This is my Second Definition of NON-SHOPPING!

Also, does all that baby einstein stuff actually make your baby any smarter? I doubt it honestly. I don't think all the little baby computers and junk really help any. Isn't it really about your own interaction with your baby? So then... Do I buy her the baby einstein stuff or what? I'm so confused about all this. Only 26 more days to figure it out. Gosh.

We did end up going to Best Buy afterwards to finish up a little shopping for Me and Chris. He got a cd (two actually, but only one was for christmas!) and I got the movie "Say Anything." (For those of you who don't know, I'm in love with John Cusack.) While we were there chris asked if we could look for a cd for taylor. We ended up getting two Disney cd's with songs from the movies on them. I'm actually pretty excited about them. It's something she can have and enjoy for a long time. I guess it's a start. I am just at a loss for what else to get her. Maybe some blocks! But what kind? Does she really even need any toys? Anywho... I guess we will figure it out. Til then, I hope your all having better luck at shopping than us!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Just a Couple Things

Just a couple things

1. I have this crazy little habit I've developed since I had taylor. About one or two nights a week, I'll wake up at like 2 or 3 in the morning. No one else will be up, but I'm "just drank a pot of coffee" awake, so I have to do something. I started taking bubble baths. At 2 in the morning. Chris got me some bath oils too, so I throw those in sometimes. It's the most relaxing thing in the entire world. I feel like the only person in the world awake. I put on a cd and just sit there, til I get all wrinkly or taylor wakes up (the bathroom I use is right next to her room and the running water usually wakes her up at some point.) I took my bath this morning, and it was great. Taylor woke up before I was ready to get out, but I got out anyways and got her back to sleep and then I went to bed. But my little midnight baths keep me sane. Just wanted to share.

2. Guys are always complaining that girls don't just come right out and say what they want. They leave little hints and the guys are too thick to get them. Well... Last week, I flat out TOLD chris "I want a romantic date. Take me out on a romantic Date." So I figured... There, I told him... now he's going to plan to take me out somewhere romantic and we'll do something fun and it'll be great! So last night I was talking to him and I asked him,

"What are we going to do on our date?"
"What date?"
"The one you're taking me on."
"You ARE planning a romantic date for us right?"
"Uh, Yeah."
"No you're not."
"Chris! I even TOLD you... I didn't leave hints... I flat out said it... I said, Take me out on a romantic date... And you STILL didn't get it!"
"I thought you would plan it and I would drive!"
"That's not YOU taking ME out on a date... That's ME taking YOU."
"No, I would be driving so it's really ME taking YOU!"
"Look, you have to plan a romantic date, and take me out okay!"
"Okay, what do you want to do???"
"NOOOOOO... YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME OUT ON A ROMANTIC DATE AND PLAN IT... ALL YOU... YOU DO IT... YOU PICK IT (no sports bars to watch some football game)... YOU PLAN IT. MAKE IT ROMANTIC!!!!!"

I was laughing this whole time. I wasn't really mad (honestly, i'm not mad about this... YET!). Just amazed at the fact that, I dunno, He didn't believe me, or didn't get it... I didn't even leave hints. You know, I know you guys don't think about stuff like this after you're married. You've got us already, So you're not trying to impress us. You don't have to WOO us anymore. But why don't you think about some little things you could do to suprise us. Come home with a little treat for us. Tell us to sit down and watch "The Real Housewives Of Orange County" and you'll cook dinner. It would be so nice to be DOTED on every once in a while.

I'm not normally a needy wife. I don't need pampering. I don't care if we watch football all freakin weekend long, I'll even watch most of it with you. I'm not the princess type. But that doesn't mean that you can't treat me like your queen every once in a while.

I'm not saying I need THINGS. I don't need flowers (they'll die in a few days anyways) I don't need chocolates (don't really like them.) I don't need jewelry.(there's so much else we could spend the money on) All I need is for you to think about me... show me you think about me. And spend time with me... just with me... not with family, not with taylor, not with dane cook, not with some movie, just me and you. We could go play pool, or go bowling or go play putt-putt (they have that glow in the dark one out at opry mills) I don't care. Make something up. Let's go have pictures made (yeah right) or go window shopping for a new bed room suite even. I'll do anything, as long as I can do it with you and only you. That's not much... I don't think so anyways. I'm not high maintenance. I just want a little time alone with my husband! Even if it's just one night a month... that's fine. Just some time alone.

I do just about everything I do because of Chris... I shave my legs for him even. I clean up our apartment so it's not a mess when he gets home from work, even though I've got taylor crying and fussing and throwing toys everywhere all day long, sady whines to be taken out every hour and a half, and I have old men calling me all day long to get on the phone to more of their clients. I try to have dinner ready, every day at 4:30... and it's too bad if you're going to be late (5:15) and you don't call me to tell me a head of time. I even try to make enough so there will be leftovers you can take to work, so you don't have to eat just a sandwich and chips.

Anyways, I'm just rambling now. All I want is one date. A romantic one. That chris plans and takes me on. I want him to find a baby sitter, him to pick where we eat, him to decide what we'll do... That's not a whole lot. It's very manageable I think. And he better do it. If not... I'll lock him out or something! And he won't get any for a long time. If he's not gonna try... me neither.

Friday, November 9, 2007


I'm PMSing. My first since having Taylor. This is disgusting. I told Chris I want to get pregnant again just so I won't have to do this for another year or so. It really is that bad. Honestly one of the worst I've ever had. Maybe it's because it's been so long, I forgot how horrid this really is. Now this is probably TMI... But, I went through like 6 pads last night... Supers (I hate how they're called supers. I feel like I should have x-ray vision when I wear them or something)! I finally, this morning, pulled out one of Taylor's size 2 diapers and stuck it in there. Crazy right? I know... It's sad. I always had bad periods, but it's like God said, "Here's all the periods you missed in the past 15 months rolled into one!" I'm not worried though. I always had bad ones in High School... So bad, I couldn't sit through a 1 1/2 hour class without needing to go to the bathroom (and that was with a super tampon and super pad!) Maybe in the next day or two it'll slow down. I called my mom to complain, and she said "TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL PILL!" Oh right. I forgot I had those! LOL. That's something you don't want to forget. But I have. They aren't full fledged BC though. It's only the mini-pill... But I think you're not supposed to have a period at all when you're taking them. Whoops. I'm still nursing Taylor. She has kinda slowed down her feedings though, now that she's on solids. That's why I started! Well, I'm going to take my birth control and hope it doesn't throw my body way outta whack.

Next Topic... Thank Goodness It's Friday. I won't have to deal with my 3 crazy bosses tomorrow! They are so nuts! But I love them. Old men are funny! I enjoy my work though. I talk to retirees! It's fun. I mostly talk with women (cause the men are out playing golf) and the little old ladies down here in the south love to chitchat. So I talk to them about Taylor, working from home, the weather, politics, Christopher. They love me! And I love them! We both appreciate having another adult human being to talk to. It's a win/win situation. The only part of my job I don't like the whole setting appointments. These are old people I talk to. Most of them are at least 75+. They forget things alot of times, so I'll make an appointment for them to meet with Robert or Steve or my Dad, and by the next day, they've forgotten I ever even existed! So alot of the appointments I make get canceled and I fell like I haven't done my job. The appointment thing sucks. But oh well. It pays... sometimes, and it gives me something to do, although there are tons of other things I'd be doing if I wasn't doing this! I'm excited for the weekend to have Chris home and be able to spend time with family and to have a break from the disappointment of old people's minds!

Now here comes my rant! Okay, So, I'm tired. I'm sure all of this (what I'm about to write) is simply cause I'm PMSing... But I just have to rant. Actually, it's not ranting. I'm just to shy to actually say these things out loud. I'm tired of trying to be friends with people who DON'T like me. I get ignored, talked down to, pushed aside, and I don't like it. I'm an adult. I can be mature about it. If you don't like me, that's fine. It's not my problem. It's not my job to make you like me. It's your problem. And you'll have to deal with it. I'm going to quit trying. There is no point. I always feel like I'm walking on glass... always afraid of saying the wrong thing and pissing people off... but I'm done doing that. If i piss you off, that wasn't my intention, so why should i feel bad about it? It was all in your head. You twisted my words around to fit whatever it was you wanted to be mad about. I'm sick of competitive people. This life is not about who is better or smarter or stronger. It's about celebrating the accomplishments of others! It is retarded, I know, but I'm embarrassed by some of my accomplishments. Because I feel like they have offended others. No... not only because I "feel" like they have offended others, I know they have. People have told me. I'm sick of people turning this life into a competition. I'm happy. I'm happy with who I am. I"m a hard worker, I try to do my best as a mother, wife, and secretary. I'm happy with my body. I'm definitely pudgier than I was Pre-Taylor... But I'm fine with that. There's no way I'm going to be able to fit in the same clothes I did before. And I don't care. I'm happy with my husband. He's intelligent, a hard worker, and he loves me more than anything else in this world. He's a great father. He's a great husband. He understands that being at home all day can be overwhelming and he lets me go and be Keaven for a few hours, whenever I want! I'm happy with my daughter. She's gorgeous. I can't walk through any store without being stopped by people telling me she's gorgeous. You don't have to tell me. I know. She's amazing. She's so smart and strong and healthy. I'm proud of her accomplishments and of who she is. She's so outgoing, and always trying the next thing. I love her and the little person she's becoming. I have wonderful friends I can turn to when I need extra help, or people to lean on. I don't measure my life by other people's standards! This life is not about winning. It’s about connecting and supporting the people we love in our lives. True happiness comes from appreciating ourselves and our life, just the way it is. I am happy with my life. I am happy with who I am. I hope that y'all can be happy with who you are and your own life. If you don't like me, You don't have to. That's your choice. But I'm not trying anymore to be friends with those who don't want to be friends with me. There. I got that out! Now slowly breath in and out! Whew! I'm done. That feels better!

Well, May all of you have wonderful weekends, may your football teams win (as long as they aren't playing anyone my husband likes,) may your weather be pretty, and may you all be able to get some holiday shopping done! I hope I do!