Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Final Decoration

On Saturday we bought the girls a bunk bed for $25 at a yard sale.  GO US!

Yes I do think my girls are still too small for a bunk bed, especially one this high (I fell off it today.  I can't imagine one of the girls doing that.)  But lucky for us, it's a full on the bottom and twin on top.  So Plenty of room for my chick's to sleep on it together on the bottom.

This did cause some redecoration to their room, though not too major.  So here goes, yet again... the girls room.
the girls sleeping together.

Their bunk bed.  Had to bleep out Maddie... she sleeps without panties on so she can go potty easier at night.

bunting is now across the 3 main walls instead of 2

Their closet

A DIY project, yarn mural.  I cut out the shapes in cardboard, wrapped the yarn around them, then nailed them too the wall.  Adds color since we can't paint!  I may end up adding a couple more smaller ones beside this one... or a bug or two.  IDK.

The other wall.  There are still lots to be hung up on the walls... including special book shelfs made out of gutters, the girls names from aunt leeann and uncle michael, their blessing certificates, and their name letters.

Just gotta figure out placement.  And I can't do that at 12:13 at night.  So it is now bed time.  I have to be up in, oh, 5 hours!  woohoo!

Monday, August 30, 2010

A bit of a redesign...

So... to make it easier... I've done a bit of a redesign and made it easy to access all my blogs on the right... over here -------------------------------------------------------------------->

So check them out.

I am thankful everyday is my gratitude journal.  Everyday for a year I'm going to add a picture and another thing I'm thankful for.

Boogers and Pearls is... well... boogers and pearls.

And Keaven's quotes is a quote collection.  I have filled journal after journal (that's right tiff... remember those good day bad day books?) with my favorite quotes.  the only problem is, I can never find one that I need, when I need it.  So I figured this way I can label them and have them organized by the labels or categories or whatever!  I'm way excited.  Haven't added in a little while, but when I have some down time I will.

Anyways, Enjoy the blogs.  :)

I Did It

I registered for classes today!!!  School starts a week from tomorrow!  Kinda smart i think, waiting til after labor day.  Anyways, I'm taking 8... that's right EIGHT classes.  All online.  Hopefully this semester won't kill me.  We'll see.

Also, I have my baby!  I am now going to be watching children out of my home.  I have the first baby, a boy, 9 months old.  He'll be here bright and early tomorrow morning.  I also have a few others who are interested and may be starting soon as well.  I'm stoked.

My only problem, when am I ever going to have time to cook or clean.  Between kids and school... It may be a bit tough, but we'll make do, like we always do.

Anyways, I'm proud of myself for today.  I got a lot accomplished.  So....


It's a celebration

Yesterday we celebrated the 26 yrs and 42 weeks anniversary of my mom and dad "celebrating."

On my birthday card Chris actually wrote... and I quote, " I would like to thank your parents for having sex 26 years and 42 weeks ago.  Nice one Rick and Beckye!!!"

I had a great birthday and even got a holy grail of clothing from my mom and dad.

How gorgeous is this dress.  And so awesome for fall too.  I can't wait for an opportunity to wear it.  Maybe church or a date night.

Anyways - I had an awesome birthday.  It's fun to share a birthday so close to my sister-in-law too.  Leeann's birthday is 3 days before mine.  So we got to celebrate with 2 different cakes.  Between the two of us there are 53 years, but luckily, my mom did not have 53 candles... THANK GOODNESS.

Yup.  I'm one year older, I feel a bit wiser, not nearly as much as needed, but some.  And I'm excited for this next year.

Oh, BTW, have you seen my latest project?
Check it out.



Friday, August 27, 2010

Birthday Surprise

My birthday is coming this Sunday.


And on my birthday I will be starting a new blog.

A fantastic blog.

But no ordinary blog.

An extraordinary blog.

Check back in a couple days to see what's up!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

One Crazy Night

While playing around tonight I realized this small set of china I bought 2 years ago in a yard sale for $5 for the whole box is worth ...
$200 for the pieces I have.

Yeah.  $5 into $200... CRAZY.
Also, I thought the edges of these plates were like silver plated or something like that.  Nope.  That's platinum.  
I'm putting the pieces into a yard sale, hence why I wanted to know their worth.  Now I know they're actually worth something... I kinda wanna keep them.

Also Tonight, This happened

Chris so lovingly did the dishes for me tonight.  (He cooked too.)  We are out of dishwashing detergent, so he put just a bit of dish soap in the washer.

We made the most of it though...

and let the girls have a ball in our Bubble Puddle!

Now they don't have to have a bath tonight and I don't have to mop the floor!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Teaching Your Children

I've been thinking alot lately about my girls and teaching them.

I'm pretty sure if they were sent to any other parents, they would have been taught their letter, their numbers.  They would have learned to walk and run, skip and jump.  They would have more than likely learned right from wrong, probably about Christ even... maybe even Joseph Smith too.

But they weren't sent to just anyone.  They were sent to me.  For a reason.  What is it that I SPECIFICALLY can teach them?  What is the reason they are MY children?

I may not know now or ever why they are my girls, but I'm so grateful they are, and I hope and pray I live up to whatever reason they were sent to me.

New post up on

Also, I'm still working a bit on the girls room.  In fact...

Here's what I'm working on.  
Top Left, the girls blessing dresses.  I'm going to hang them over each of the girls beds on the wall.  :)  
Top Middle, The girls curtain for their closet, they pulled it down, so I am going to put it back up, but not have it gathered in the middle, but on either side.
Top right, a frame, letter art, and two books, gotta finish painting the frame and then hang all these up in the girls room.
The bottom, the girls bunting.  I'm going to make more and hang it around 3 walls of their room instead of 2 like before.

Anyways... In the midst of doing the girls room, me and Chris have also started on our room... moving the bed and the rest of the furniture.

We have a bed frame but no headboard, and instead of getting one... for now we like this idea...

Here's another one...

and another one...

I may let chris design it since he's better at art than me... 
I have him beat in the crafts department, but he has an artistic eye.  Me... Not so much.  
I can copy, I can't create.

Anyways, Once it's all done, there will be pics... I promise.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Check her out...

Who?   Meaghan Smith


Sorry I've been missing for a bit. Just not in a bloggy mood, whatever that means.

Anyways, I'm going through my reader... after two days of not really reading it, there are 342 articles to read. OMG. The one I'm reading just jumped out at me. It spoke to me. It talked about me... SOUTHERN!

A Southern Fairytale

Though this post may be talking about hurricane season, and that's not really something we have to deal with here in landlocked Tennessee, we still have the same heart, pride, and manners. And after the flooding early in May, and threats of it the past couple weeks... Southern is something I think everyone needs a bit of.

My favorite thoughts from the article are:

Southern is more than geography, it’s a lifestyle, it’s in the beat of our hearts, the soft lilt in our words; it’s in the traditions of cotillion and bunco, of cowboy boots and front porch swings, of moonshine and moonpies. I just have to add in there googoo clusters too! Just for you daddy!

Southern is a birth right and a blessing.

We choose to live in the Cone of Uncertainty because the beauty of the Southern people is unmatched anywhere else. You’ll never meet a stranger and you’ll likely never have a door closed in your face, we raise gentlemen and strong southern ladies down here. Yes Ma’am and No Ma’am sprinkle the speech of even the youngest southern children. Three year olds open and hold doors for others because they want to grow up to be just like their daddies.
It’s like picking dewberries in the summer, watching dragonflies flitting among the honeysuckle on Granny’s fence and family portraits in bluebonnets;
Being Southern is who we are, it’s in our bones. Chivalry still exists, everyone knows everyone and a good story requires knowledge of at least 3 generations.
“Y’all come on over tonight and we’ll cook somethin’ up while the kids play” is as much a formal invitation as is required among southerners and these invitations require little more than a holler across the street, a quick phone call or a chance meeting in the store. Manners and Morals aren’t something from days gone by, they’re alive and kickin’. I’m proud to live where Bless Your Heart is both a blessing and.. well, not… depending on to whom it refers; where being called Honey isn’t condescending it’s loving, where Sweet Tea is the norm rather than the exception and Dr Pepper Rules.
The South always comes back, always shows that its heart is matched only by its ability to recover.
The Power, The Beauty, The Heart, The Hope, The Laughter, The Love, The Strength of The South make the Cone of Uncertainty, pretty damn unimpressive, after all.

I thank my Father in Heaven that he blessed me with a southern life, with a southern mama who taught me how to talk and cook, and a southern heritage to be proud of. Even though my daddy's from Iowa, he's been here long enough, so we'll just say he's southern too... but it is oil... not OY-EL.

I'm thankful too I married a good southern man with good southern parents as well. And we'll raise our southern daughters to be polite, saying Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir to everyone they meet, regardless of age. Our door will always be open to whomever wants to eat or chat. And I can't wait to one day have a big wraparound porch to sit on with Chris in our rocking chairs and watch the sun set over the rolling hills... Like my mom and dad do.

This will always and forever be Home!!!
I reckon I've said just about enough ;). Southern is in my heart and in my blood, and I hope it's in yours too...but if not... Well then, Bless your heart!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Find me on...


I did it.  I created a twitter account.  Mostly because it has become a habit thanks to Facebook to jot down all the hilariousness that goes on through my day.  But I don't want to get on the blog every few hours to write the latest funny stuff to happen in my life.

So, Twitter has happened.

Find me at

If you're there, follow me and I'll follow you.

A few of my DIY

A few parts of the girls room redo...
The tissue paper pom poms I made from saved tissue paper.
The curtain I hung over their closet doorway to girl-i-fy it.
Moved these shelves from over their bed to beside their closet.
I love the "Who put the Big in Big Orange" book.
And the painted Kittens are one of Taylor's Favorites... katie made them.

Some of the new storage in the girls room.  I bought two closet hanger things for their dress up stuff.  A small tie and belt one for their purses, and a coat and hat one for their dresses.  Now they're easy to get to, and easy to put up.

I made the girls a sign for their door.  The black is chalkboard paint, so the girls can draw or decorate them as they want.

I also took an old dry erase calendar and painted it with the Chalkboard paint.  Savannah got a hold of this calendar along time ago (a year or two ago???) and wrote this on it.
It came with us when we moved, so a bit was erased, but I had to take a picture to remember... that SAVANNAH LOVES ME!

Here's the finished product.  A memo board chalk board.
It currently has my grocery list on it.

I was proud of my lettering.  I actually copied it from picnik, and traced it on.  I bet if I hadn't said that no one would have ever known and I could have completely taken credit.  Oh well.

Hopefully today I'll finish the girls room (and maybe the laundry if I feel like it.)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Some Freezer Food

So I mentioned before about us planning our meals...
Today I created a Menu board
I got the collage picture frame at Walmart for $4... used some scrapbooking paper to decorate the background.  You can use dry erase markers on glass... so yeah.  It works great.

Yesterday I made the freezer potatoes
Here's the Steps followed by Pictures
  1. Get out potatoes and Directions
  2. Preheat oven to 450.
  3. Wash, pierce  and sort potatoes by size and what you want to do with them (top left: baked potatoes, top right: roasted potatoes, two different flavors, bottom: potato wedges)
  4. Place potatoes for baking on cookie sheet and stick in oven.
  5. Begin cutting potatoes lengthwise for Wedges (into 6 or 8 depending on size.)
  6. After wedges are cut, place in zip lock bag, add olive oil to coat them and seasonings. (I used some salt, pepper, and little garlic powder, and a dash of Italian seasonings.  Some people also add sugar to brown the potatoes more.
  7. Place wedges on cookies sheet, (I made sure no two pieces were touching too much.  Gotta keep an eye on those wedges.  Don't want no wedge babies... would they be called wedgies? ) Place in oven (with baked potato is fine) for 30 minutes.
  8. Begin chopping potatoes for roasted potatoes.  
  9. Place in bag (like before) and season to liking.  I did 1/2 with more italian seasonings, then I topped the other 1/2 with some taco seasoning!  
  10. When potato wedges are done, take them out and place in the roasted potatoes.  Set timer for 30 minutes.
  11. Put cooked wedges on paper towels or brown bags to cool off.  Once they're cool, place them on a cookie sheet again and put them in the freezer to individually freeze them.  This way you don't have to use the whole batch at once.
  12. When the timer goes off, repeat step 11 for the other potatoes.
  13. After a couple hours in the freezer, all the potatoes should be frozen.  Place in Ziplock baggies and date them and write what they are.  It may be hard to tell once it's frozen.  You can also go on and write reheating instructions on the bags too if you'd like.  
  14. To reheat the baked potatoes, you can thaw in a microwave and then cook for a couple minutes, or place them in the oven with whatever else is cooking for dinner and reheat them.  They're good to go.  You could also even freeze the baked potato with some toppings already on it.  I didn't though.
  15. For the potato wedges and roasted potatoes, they're only partially cooked.  Place them in a 450 degree oven.  Cook the wedges an additional 30 - 45 minutes and the roasted potatoes an additional 20 - 30 minutes.

The plan I used also provided the steps for casseroles, twice baked potatoes, potato skins, mashed potatoes, soups, oven fries and hashbrowns.  I only did the ones I did cause I know we'll use them quickly, and I didn't have enough potatoes to try everything.

It was less work than I thought it would be.  I haven't tried any of them yet, but yesterday my bro michael was over and had one of the baked potatoes.  He said it was good.  He cooked it in the microwave for a few minutes.  I read if you make baked potatoes ahead of time this way and then reheat in the microwave, they don't have that microwaved texture nuked potatoes usually have.

The website i found the Potato plan on was www.menus4moms.com

The Naked Cowgirls

 have to first say that I DID NOT put my daughters up to this.  This was COMPLETELY their own doing.

I was cleaning their closet and turned around to find them like this.

Taylor does have panties on, but maddie... She goes all out.  I have so many jokes in my head right now... including a few with "bare back" in there.  

She's completely posing here.  She CRACKS me up when she poses.
Oh what a handful she will be in another 10 years!!!

My favorite was when Taylor said, "Well, I sure thank you."  
Where does she come up with this stuff?

Here's a few more pics from today
Maddie fed her rocking horse after their ride.  I didn't know rocking horses liked Chex Mix.

Here's the tent we built in the living room today to protect Taylor from the thunder.

Lastly, here's Taylor's Lady Bug.  She is a very talented artist, just like her daddy.
While she was drawing this, Chris told her that Lady bugs only have 3 legs on each side.  Not 4.  I just realized she drew 3 sets of 4 legs.  She was listening dad!!!

It's raining, It's pouring, The old man is...


And I feel really bad because last night the girls slept in our bed with Chris and I slept on the couch (cause there was NO room.)

Of course it would be the night that Maddie forgets where she is and doesn't make it to the potty.
And Taylor threw up ALL over the bed too...

Between the pee and the puke, it was rough night for Chris and the Girls.  Where was I?  Sleeping peacefully on the couch.  Poor guy... He'll definitely  need nap-age when he gets home from work.

Anyways - So I've got a sick baby today.  So no Library Story Time today.  Instead, The girls are gonna chill all day on the living room floor with all sorts of fun things (coloring, playdough, games, puzzles, Little People land.) and I'm going to REDO their room!  WOOHOO.

I'm excited.  i bought a few things last night to help me out with their room.  I can't wait to have it all done tonight and blow Chris away with my snazzy ideas!  Hope everyone's day is awesome! Mine will be.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Menu Meal Planning, Here I come!

This started a week or two ago when the missionaries came over for dinner.

We were having a TACO night.  But a lack of funds encouraged me to make my own tortillas.

That night they sucked, and we didn't use them at all... Just trashed them.
But the next day I had to make them, and make them good.
They were ok.  Not great.  I'm still improving.

But anyways - This is a bit of a new discovery for me.  I had never before thought of making my own tortillas... a great way to save a bit of $.  And not really too much time in the Kitchen.

It got me started.  I've now decided to do the Meal Planning Menu or whatever.  I figured it will help us to eat healthier and cheaper.

We're going to be following Pat and Dave's example and instituting a few regular nights.
Salad night is a must, and it's great because our daughters LOVE salads of every kind.
A bean night will be much appreciated in many ways (and maybe not so much in others) once the weather cools off a bit.
New recipe night will expand our family's taste bud horizon.

As part of this planning, I'm thinking alot about wasting less.  I think we do waste alot.  And generally it's because something goes bad before I remember I have it and use it.

So FREEZER meals will also help out alot. I even got started yesterday with some Homemade Spaghetti sauce with a bunch of tomatoes from Dave's Garden.  A couple were starting to ripen a bit too much, and the spaghetti sauce was easy and fast (like 15 minutes!!!!)  Then I tossed it in the freezer and we've got spaghetti sauce ready.   Maybe not as easy as a jar of Prego, But if I cook the meat at the same time and toss it in too, all I'd have to do is defrost and reheat for a crazy easy dinner.

Potatoes are a hard one for me.  Sitting, rotting in the bottom of the pantry is usually how I find potatoes a few months after I bought them.  For some reason, I never remember I have them.  onions are a bit of the same way.  And we love onions, but I always forget I have some and then they go bad.

Well Not anymore!  I'm going to be using a whole bag of potatoes in just a minute to make some quick freezer meals.  I'll be turning them into twice baked potatoes, scalloped potatoes, french fries, hash browns, potato skins, mashed potatoes, and baked potatoes.  Then freezing them all to be used at my convenience.  I figured sauteing some onions would be an easy thing to do while I'm at it and a way to nix a little prep work to a TON of dishes.

I'm REALLY wishing I had made a garden box in the spring and grown a little garden here at home.  Aw well... there's always next year.

But yeah.  I'm crazy excited about all this stuff.  Guess I'm moving from sewing to cooking for now.  (Just til my b-day!)  And hopefully this will save us time and money later on!

If you guys have any ideas or suggestions you've done, I'd love to hear them.  I know Jennifer makes an AMAZING homemade salsa and I'd love the recipe.  I also know some of you know how to can... Not sure I'm ready for anything like that yet, but ideas would be appreciated!

Girls Day Out

It was a park kinda day.
Especially since our 100 degree weather was only 90.

I didn't want the usual parks.
No Cane Ridge.
No Smyrna.
No Murfreesboro.
No Hendersonville.
No Play Place
No Mall
Somewhere we'd never been.

Me and the girls went out to Fannie Mae park (is that right?)
Talk about perfect weather.
And there's a DRAGON at the park too.  How cool is that?

The girls wanted their picture taken with the dragon so I whipped out my camera...
only to realize I'd left the memory card home,
So I went to grab my phone...
only to discover I'd left it at home as well.

After some playing and swinging
and sliding and running
 and crawling and falling
 and crying and kissing boo boos
 and seesawing and snacking
and climbing and finding pine cones
 and an abnormally friendly squirrel who ate my granola bar,

We went to Centennial park
for some duck feeding,
train admiring,
airplane looking,
flower picking,
running from pigeons,
peeing in the bushes,
geese threatening,

I figured my girls would be pooped,
passed out in the car,
taking a good 3 hour long nap.
But no... Their not.

Should I make them do laps around the apartment???

Monday, August 16, 2010

Is it sad?

That while planning Maddie's second birthday party, I'm checking the guy's favorite football teams' schedules so the party won't interfere?

Or is it smart?

Yet again, I'm on my soap box...

I promise that here shortly I will get off my soap box and quit posting about craziness.  But that time is not yet here.

"How are you" is definitely a ticket to land mine territory with me nowadays.  And Yes, it is also an "Excellent question, a trick question and an essay question."  Keep reading to figure out what I mean.

This is a blog post I just read and needed.  Maybe you need it too.

(click above to read the post on the blog)
Extreme Self Care: When Life Falls Apart

I've had a devastating year.

Anyone else?

It's the kind of year where the question “how are you?” is a ticket to land mine territory.

Let's just say the weather system of my heart is wildly tropical these days. When it rains, it rips my house apart. When it shines, it is beautiful beyond song. How am I? Excellent question. A trick question. Most days, an essay question.

If you know what I'm talking about, I reach out and say, you are not alone. Though I won't pretend to know exactly what your own storm feels like, I will say I am a sister of storms.

I imagine a hurricane has swept through your (metaphorical or actual) dream home. From a distance this is one big loss, but as you sit in the wreckage, you see endless webs of tiny ecosystems that have been strangled. You discover your dream home was the life support system for hundreds of other tiny dreams. The amount of loss seems infinite. Where to even begin grieving?

This is an Emergency of the Spirit.

And the single most important thing is your own healing. That's it. It's not how fast you should “get back” into the swing of things. This is a time where it is crucial that the word “should” be obliterated along with everything else you've lost. You are going to need all the love you can tolerate, and then some.

Emergencies of the Spirit don't politely knock at your door and linger obediently on the welcome mat. They move in, they take up space, they start weaving around other areas of your life, they lube up with your tears and wiggle into the core of everything you believe to be true. It's intimate, powerful and yes, it's beautiful. I used to read about people who experienced huge loss and cringe when they said how grateful they were for it. I promised the universe I would be grateful if it please-please-please spared me that kind of personal disaster. In hindsight, I wonder if that was me unknowingly praying for this experience.

I offer to you, tender souls, permission to declare an Emergency of the Spirit and claim the extreme self-care required for you to heal. You get to create your own path of healing. You have permission to heal without judgement. This is important work. Push judgement out (including your own) every day. Let your healing take up space, stretch into all the folds of your sorrow. Sleep. Make art. Escape. Say no. Cry. Dance. Get support. Tell the people in your life that you have nothing to give until further notice due to a broken heart. Be unabashedly selfish. Do whatever it is you need to do to get by. For as long as it takes. Even if it looks strange.

Love yourself, even when you feel unlovable.

And know, that there is a captain in your heart, who never loses sight of the horizon.

Family = Drama

I've decided that every family has DRAMA.

Another thing I've realized is that it is not usually in the immediate family.  
It's usually a bit extended.
Yes there are sometimes when issues come up in the individual family setting. 
But for the most part, the drama seems to come from a broader family scope.

In a family there is a husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, a couple, whatever.
Those two people come from different backgrounds.  
They have both lead 2 different lives.
They have both had 2 separate lifetimes of experiences,
and they both had developed 2 different views and values and ideals because of their life.

Those two people decided to join their lives together 
(in whatever way... from an LDS perspective, it's eternal marriage.  
For some it's simply living together.)
Usually those 2 people have similiar views and values and ideals,
hence why they want to spend their life with that person.

Sometimes it's easy at first.  Sometimes it's not.  There are always struggles and trials.  
These people are not the same.  

Usually these two people will want to have a family.
Whatever way that comes about... 
They have babies, or adopt babies, or foster babies.
Little people for this couple to teach, raise, pass on traditions to,
share values with, continue on in the family name, etc, etc, etc.

These little people grow up, and eventually start the whole process over again.
There are aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins, third cousins, fifth cousins once removed, and in-laws, forever and ever.

But in all that family, no two people are the same.  
No two couples are the same.
Everyone has their own way of doing things.
Everyone has their opinion on what's the best way or right way to do something.
Because someone's way may not be your way does not make it wrong, or bad, or off in anyway.
No one way or one choice is right for everyone.

And It's hard not to judge. 
It's hard to sit back and let other's make decision you may not think are right for them.
But those are their decisions to make.  Not mine.  Not anyone's but theirs.

This is usually where all the family drama comes in.
I'm NOT NOT NOT saying that either side of my family is DRAMATIC.
I'm not.  Please don't anyone be offended by this post.
I'm simply saying...
As a family, you care about your family.
You want them to make the best decisions they can.
But you can't make those decisions for them, no matter how badly you want to,
no matter how much more you think you "KNOW" about the situation.

This is such a hard concept for me.
I want to step in and tell everyone what they should be doing.
I get it from my dad ;)
But I can't do that.  And I honestly don't want to.

It's not the way our Heavenly Father wants things at all.
It's not the way he set up HIS plan.
All we can do as a loving family is sit back 
and pray that the decisions our loved ones make are right and correct for them.  
And if they are or not, we should support them through it all.

On the other side,
When our family is "butting in," telling us what we should be doing,
how we should be doing it,
when we should be doing it,
They're doing it out of love.
They want what is best and right for us.
They want to make sure we're taken care of.
They want to make sure we're following the "strait and narrow."
They're doing their job as our family.
We need to understand where their comments come from, 
take them into consideration, 
and make what choice is right for us.

Family is not meant to be about drama. 
It's meant to be about love.
It's meant to be a comfort,
a place to go where everyone knows all your flaws,
knows all your embarrassments,
knows you peed on a ladies front porch one Halloween,
is meant to be about forgiveness.
Family is Charity.
And I'm so blessed to be part in the two most wonderful families ever.
Yes there is still drama, but it's all outta love.

And how boring would families be without that drama anyways... 
They keep things interesting!

My First...

I just got done painting this picture from this photo:

I think I like it.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sunday Morning Daddy Time

This might be completely silly of me, 
But I just think there is something crazy sweet about a grown man 
painting his daughters' nails!

Not for the faint of heart

I read something the other day that said Motherhood was not for the faint of heart.  I'm going to rephrase it and say LIFE is not for the faint of heart.  
(Motherhood is a work of heart! read that one on a church sign)

I guess I should start at the beginning (a very good place to start.)  

In January of 09 I began having bad symptoms of depression.
At the time I thought it was simply postpartum because Madison was only 4 months old.
If it wasn't postpartum, then I figured it was because Madison was demanding more of my attention and I was having a hard time balancing a baby and a toddler.

The symptoms got worse.
In July of 09 I got a prescription for Zoloft. 
By September 09 I was off of it... I hated the way I felt, or didn't feel at all, while taking it.

In September I also started working outside the home.  
I thought getting out more and making friends would help my symptoms.

In December of 09 I heard a radio ad for a study on depression by Vanderbilt.
I called and got the info.  I would receive my medicine for free and also be paid to be a part of the study. 

I was put on Lexapro.  It helped at first (2 months I think) then stopped working.
I was then put on Effexor XR.  
When I mentioned it was not helping, my dosage was upped. 
 And upped.  Usually doubled!!!

It never really helped much.  I would have high Highs, but low Lows.  
I couldn't think for myself anymore.
I was not acting like myself.
I started having awful nightmares, to the point I was afraid to fall asleep.
But I could hardly sleep as it was because of an awful insomnia.
I had wicked migraines.

I decided to get off the medicine.
I tried to slowly come off of it, but the side effects were so bad, 
I ended up needing to go back to my prescribed dose.

Last week, I decided to quit cold turkey.
Not the smartest thing to do, but necessary.
The first day was alright.
The second day was HELL.

The withdrawal symptoms are awful.

Here is a list of what the FDA says are the withdrawal symptoms. 
agitation, anorexia, anxiety, confusion, coordination impaired, diarrhea, dizziness, dry mouth, dysphoric mood (opposite of euphoria), fasciculation (muscle twitches), fatigue, headaches, hypomania, insomnia, nausea, nervousness, nightmares, sensory disturbances (including shock-like electrical sensations, "brain shivers"), somnolence (drowsiness), sweating, tremor, vertigo, and vomiting.

I have literally had all those symptoms, except diarrhea... 
should I be grateful for that one?
I have to say the Sensory Disturbances are the WORST.
They feel like electrical pulses shooting through your body every few seconds.
I'm even having them now.  Not cool.

By the third day, I couldn't handle it, 
and had to call my mom 
to ask if she could watch the girls for me overnight.  
Of course she did.
That night, I had awful dreams 
that I can't even talk about because they're so painful to recall,
I even ended up questioning where the girls were, 
though I had dropped them off at my parents.

The fourth day was slightly better.
The fifth, better again.
And today, the 6th... I'm doing okay.

There are still TONS of symptoms.
They've said the withdrawals can last a couple weeks to a month,
and that's only taking it for as long as I did.
It is much longer for those who are on this prescription for a longer period of time.
In fact, I've read it sets a NEW STANDARD for how long the withdrawal period lasts. 
Even surpassing Paxil (guess that's a bad one too.)

Anyways, The reason behind me saying all this is
1. TO WARN... If  I had known this prior to taking the medication, I NEVER would have taken it.  In some surveys almost 90% of patients had some of these symptoms.  And they're AWFUL.
2. To let you all in to what's been going on lately.  I'm afraid I've offended some people, acted weird or rude or ignored people, or whatever.  
I haven't meant to at all.  
I've just been dealing with alot.  
But I'm getting better.  
In fact, My symptoms would have lasted longer 
if it was for Asea (a new health product out.)

Moving on... I'm excited to be getting better.  
I feel more like myself 
(although a twitchy self) 
than I have in over a year and a half.

So many people have helped me, blessed me, and just been kind and understanding
 when I felt crazy, broken, and worthless.
I'm so grateful to my friends and family.
Especially Chris - There are just not words enough to describe 
how grateful I am for you and how much I love you, Handsome!!!  

Anyways - If I don't answer my phone, or return a call or email, If I say something weird or rude, or if I don't show for a playdate, cancel last minute, or act anti social - 
I'm honestly just trying to get back to normal... well, normal for me!
Would it be bad to ask for prayers?  For me and my family.  
I have been so blessed by my Father in Heaven already through all this, but I know I won't be able to get through it without him and the prayers and priesthood blessings.

Anywho - Some happy thoughts that have helped me lately:

Looking back you realize that
a very special person passed briefly
through your life - & it was you.
It is not too late to find
that person again.

Robert Brault

The true way to be humble is not to stoop until you are smaller than yourself, but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that will show you what the real smallness of your greatness is.
Phillips Brooks 

"The best two indicators of whether you're living your value system are your calendar and your checkbook."
                                                                                      ~Jody Antrim

If you're in a crisis—whether it's a medical issue, a relationship problem, an addiction, too much work to do, spiritual unrest—remind yourself that things will improve. Be intentional about making things better, and ask others to help you. Take steps toward healing. This is your happiness at stake. Fight for it!