Friday, November 9, 2007


I'm PMSing. My first since having Taylor. This is disgusting. I told Chris I want to get pregnant again just so I won't have to do this for another year or so. It really is that bad. Honestly one of the worst I've ever had. Maybe it's because it's been so long, I forgot how horrid this really is. Now this is probably TMI... But, I went through like 6 pads last night... Supers (I hate how they're called supers. I feel like I should have x-ray vision when I wear them or something)! I finally, this morning, pulled out one of Taylor's size 2 diapers and stuck it in there. Crazy right? I know... It's sad. I always had bad periods, but it's like God said, "Here's all the periods you missed in the past 15 months rolled into one!" I'm not worried though. I always had bad ones in High School... So bad, I couldn't sit through a 1 1/2 hour class without needing to go to the bathroom (and that was with a super tampon and super pad!) Maybe in the next day or two it'll slow down. I called my mom to complain, and she said "TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL PILL!" Oh right. I forgot I had those! LOL. That's something you don't want to forget. But I have. They aren't full fledged BC though. It's only the mini-pill... But I think you're not supposed to have a period at all when you're taking them. Whoops. I'm still nursing Taylor. She has kinda slowed down her feedings though, now that she's on solids. That's why I started! Well, I'm going to take my birth control and hope it doesn't throw my body way outta whack.

Next Topic... Thank Goodness It's Friday. I won't have to deal with my 3 crazy bosses tomorrow! They are so nuts! But I love them. Old men are funny! I enjoy my work though. I talk to retirees! It's fun. I mostly talk with women (cause the men are out playing golf) and the little old ladies down here in the south love to chitchat. So I talk to them about Taylor, working from home, the weather, politics, Christopher. They love me! And I love them! We both appreciate having another adult human being to talk to. It's a win/win situation. The only part of my job I don't like the whole setting appointments. These are old people I talk to. Most of them are at least 75+. They forget things alot of times, so I'll make an appointment for them to meet with Robert or Steve or my Dad, and by the next day, they've forgotten I ever even existed! So alot of the appointments I make get canceled and I fell like I haven't done my job. The appointment thing sucks. But oh well. It pays... sometimes, and it gives me something to do, although there are tons of other things I'd be doing if I wasn't doing this! I'm excited for the weekend to have Chris home and be able to spend time with family and to have a break from the disappointment of old people's minds!

Now here comes my rant! Okay, So, I'm tired. I'm sure all of this (what I'm about to write) is simply cause I'm PMSing... But I just have to rant. Actually, it's not ranting. I'm just to shy to actually say these things out loud. I'm tired of trying to be friends with people who DON'T like me. I get ignored, talked down to, pushed aside, and I don't like it. I'm an adult. I can be mature about it. If you don't like me, that's fine. It's not my problem. It's not my job to make you like me. It's your problem. And you'll have to deal with it. I'm going to quit trying. There is no point. I always feel like I'm walking on glass... always afraid of saying the wrong thing and pissing people off... but I'm done doing that. If i piss you off, that wasn't my intention, so why should i feel bad about it? It was all in your head. You twisted my words around to fit whatever it was you wanted to be mad about. I'm sick of competitive people. This life is not about who is better or smarter or stronger. It's about celebrating the accomplishments of others! It is retarded, I know, but I'm embarrassed by some of my accomplishments. Because I feel like they have offended others. No... not only because I "feel" like they have offended others, I know they have. People have told me. I'm sick of people turning this life into a competition. I'm happy. I'm happy with who I am. I"m a hard worker, I try to do my best as a mother, wife, and secretary. I'm happy with my body. I'm definitely pudgier than I was Pre-Taylor... But I'm fine with that. There's no way I'm going to be able to fit in the same clothes I did before. And I don't care. I'm happy with my husband. He's intelligent, a hard worker, and he loves me more than anything else in this world. He's a great father. He's a great husband. He understands that being at home all day can be overwhelming and he lets me go and be Keaven for a few hours, whenever I want! I'm happy with my daughter. She's gorgeous. I can't walk through any store without being stopped by people telling me she's gorgeous. You don't have to tell me. I know. She's amazing. She's so smart and strong and healthy. I'm proud of her accomplishments and of who she is. She's so outgoing, and always trying the next thing. I love her and the little person she's becoming. I have wonderful friends I can turn to when I need extra help, or people to lean on. I don't measure my life by other people's standards! This life is not about winning. It’s about connecting and supporting the people we love in our lives. True happiness comes from appreciating ourselves and our life, just the way it is. I am happy with my life. I am happy with who I am. I hope that y'all can be happy with who you are and your own life. If you don't like me, You don't have to. That's your choice. But I'm not trying anymore to be friends with those who don't want to be friends with me. There. I got that out! Now slowly breath in and out! Whew! I'm done. That feels better!

Well, May all of you have wonderful weekends, may your football teams win (as long as they aren't playing anyone my husband likes,) may your weather be pretty, and may you all be able to get some holiday shopping done! I hope I do!

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